If Ingvar Kamprad Were Still Alive...

I'd give him a piece or two of my mind. Wait a minute, he IS still alive, worth over $23 billion dollars, and drives a 1993 Volvo 240 GL. Are you out there, Mr. Kamprad? Because I have a bone to pick with you.

Your kitchen cabinets and the frustrating lack of employee knowledge about them are driving me insane. For every one step forward in completing our total kitchen remodel, we take four steps back – and usually at least three of them can be tied back to your ridiculously successful brainchild, IKEA.

Most recent case in point: my husband, Rick, was attempting to assemble drawers for one of our cabinets last night. Following the simple illustrations in the virtually wordless instructions, the first drawer he put together wouldn't fit in the cabinet properly. As it turns out, the illustration suggests putting the drawer front on UPSIDE DOWN. Perhaps someone in the editing department overlooked this little snafu, or perhaps that person just has a sick sense of humor.

I would join in laughing, too, if we could get the damned thing back off and set it right (or wrong, according to the directions – depends on how you look at it). So that means yet another trip back to your new store in Westchester, Ohio. With gas prices what they are, all the money we saved buying from IKEA rather than one of the other box home improvement centers has been spent going to and from your store. Repeatedly. Seriously. We know the returns ladies on a first name basis. Amy will be the godmother of our next born child. It's that ridiculous.

The most frustrating thing that has happened so far, and believe me when I tell you there are plenty of little gems to choose from, was also regarding bad directions. We had the granite counter tops installed last Thursday. On Saturday, Rick went to install the split top drawers on one of our cabinets. The directions instructed him to screw in the center piece before the counter top is installed.

He told me IKEA's cabinet instructions said to put the counter tops on before installing the shevles, drawers and doors. I wanted to believe him, but I'll be honest – he and I both know I wasn't quite at 100%. I wanted a little proof so I would know who exactly to lose my sh*t with. Technically, it felt like a $1,500 mistake*. Granite isn't cheap and that mother is glued on there good. Turns out, Rick was right.

He located the "7 steps to installing your cabinets" guide your company is kind enough to provide. Sure enough, Step 6 instructs one to install the counter tops and Step 7 indicates its now time to install your shelves, drawers and doors. As you can imagine, we both found that extremely frustrating. Not to mention the cause of a little marital tension. You just may be getting a bill for couples therapy when this is all over.

It really surprises me your company has been around so long, done so well and secured such a loyal following. I can't imagine we're the first people to experience these problems. But whatever.

In closing, may I ask on behalf of money-conscious, do-it-yourselfers everywhere that you create some sort of system of checks and balances to ensure accurate instructions are included in your products? If it's not too much trouble, of course. We'd really appreciate it.

* Luckily, Rick came up with a solution of his own - installing brackets to secure the center piece. Way to go, sweetie. Here's hoping it holds up once all our utensils are in there. You are not off the hook by any means, though, Mr. Kamprad. Watch your mailbox.