I’m A Veritable Neat Freak!

As I was sitting here on the couch, waiting for Rick to get tired of playing Snood (and trying to beat my score – haha) I started flipping through the channels. I originally stopped on America’s Next Top Model or whatever it is.

Don’t ask me why; I’ve never seen one episode and tonight, the winner was going to be revealed. Maybe it had something to do with my lunch conversation Friday with my friend Cheryl. But there were too many commercials while I continued to troll the guide, so I found something else: How Clean Is Your House?

Never heard of this show before, but as someone who kind of already knows the answer, I figured I’d see what it was all about. It’s on Lifetime Real Women – another revelation for me this evening.

After just half an episode (I came in 15 minutes through as Kim and Aggie [Britain’s Grime Ministers and the show’s protagonists] helped a gay bachelor straighten up), I was hooked. I mean, these people are slobs! Disgusting, dirty slobs. Makes me feel like the freakin’ Queen of Clean herself.

This particular gentleman had e-coli in his bathroom. In another episode, a woman was sleeping in a bed with actual dried up cat poop. Another couple slept in a bed with 12 – yes, you read that right: TWELVE! – dogs. The sheets were completely and disgustingly stained. Yet another episode featured a woman with dead mice scattered throughout her apartment. I think they died from the mess.

Good grief! Have these people no shame? They’re on television, for God’s sake. Cable, it’s true, but still: television!

That aside, how do they live like that – and with themselves? As you all know, I’m not one to cast stones, but good gravy, at least my house isn’t a health hazard.

The program only lasts half an hour, which is nice because sometimes, I think they drag out the likes of Clean Sweep and Clean House. But in other ways, I wish the show went a little more in depth, showing more of their secrets on how they do the cleaning. But I guess you have to buy the book for that.

Overall, I highly recommend tuning in. It will make you feel better about yourself (unless you live in a barn) and it will make you laugh. Kim tells the culprits straight up how disgusting they are, both women wear these fabulous faux-fur-lined latex gloves and whoever writes the voiceover copy is a freakin’ genius. Or at least one not afraid of writing the cheesiest, most cliché stuff ever – but it’s hilarious, imho.

So check it out. And feel superior.