Simply Awful

Ever buy something just because you have a coupon? I recently made that mistake in the international food aisle at my local Kroger. For some reason, 50¢ off any Simply Asia meal kit seemed like a good idea, even though the bag was steep at around $4.79. Just add meat, the bag said. 15 minutes, it added. So I decided to give it a try.

Let me just say this was the biggest grocery-related rip off I've ever fallen prey to. Yeah, it probably only took 15 minutes to put together – maybe even less. But really, the bulk of dish was made up of the chicken I added – which cost me in addition to what I paid for this bag of crap.

And I had to quickly boil up a bag of ramen noodles to supplement the small quantity of noodles provided – supposedly enough to feed 3-4 people. Maybe down in Whoville, but not here on earth.

While preparing the dish, the directions suggested I also add in my own green vegetables. That would have been nice to know up front. But one has to wonder: what exactly is the point of getting this kit if you have to add so many extras? Which is my point exactly: don't do it.

Disturbingly Delicious

My husband recently had a birthday (he forbids me to note which one, the geezer) and I decided I wanted to make him a lobster dinner. I had the lobsters flown in from Maine – sounds ritzy, doesn't it? You can do it, too. I used the Lobster Guy and there are others out there, like Lobstergram.

The night before his birthday, I did some research on the best way to cook lobsters. I've only made them once before, and I steamed those unlucky beetles of the sea in about an inch of water. That time, I forced myself to watch them being cooked alive in the pot. It seemed the only noble way to handle the situation. And I wanted to find out for myself if they really scream – they don't.

Anyway, since then, I'd heard the 'humane' way to kill a lobster is to split its head open. Sounds dreamy, doesn't it? After much thought and some graphic photos, I decided I didn't have the cojones. Plus, I justified not doing it by the fact that I read they taste better when they're cooked alive.

In the end, I steamed them in an inch of water again. I felt terrible taking those little guys out of the container they were shipped in and putting them in the hot pot. In fact, I almost cried. I'm kind of in a precarious emotional place right now. But, once they were done, I had no problem dipping their succulent little tail meat in hot melted butter, accompanied by steamed asparagus with lemon and Parmesan, tomato pie (more on this fabulous concoction later), baked potatoes and fresh bread.

Delicious – I'd make them again, hard as it is to kill a live creature. But next time, I think I'd save a few bucks and get them at Kroger like I did the first time – blasphemous, I know, but they seemed to taste just as good.